The word for 2016 is...
Praise Jesus for 2016!
New year. New word. I’ve been trying to figure out my new word
all week. I thought about “courageous”
since facing life lately has taken courage.
Along the same vein, I thought about “brave”. I found a sign that says “Be Brave Little One”. I love that and I think of it as God telling
me, his child, to be brave. That’s very
comforting. Mom and I were discussing this
all week too as she was wrestling with naming her word for the year. She chose “held”. Instantly I was jealous that I didn’t think
of that! Yesterday I confessed my
jealousy to her and we agreed that we could share a word this year. So there it is, my word is “HELD”.
One of the reasons that this word is precious to me is
because of the song Held by
Natalie Grant. I remember listening to
it over and over in the car during my pregnancy with the twins. It brought me comfort before I knew what a
true need for comfort felt like. Here
are the lyrics:
Two months is
too little
They let him
go.
They had no
sudden healing
To think that
providence would take a child from his mother
While she
prays, is appalling
Who told us
we’d be rescued
What has
changed and why should we be saved from nightmares.
We’re asking
why this happens to us who have died to live, its unfair
This is what
it means to be held
How it feels,
when the sacred is torn from your life
And you
survive
This is what
it means to be loved and to know
That the
promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
This hand is
bitterness
We want to
taste it and let the hatred numb our sorrows.
The wise hand
opens slowly
To lilies of
the valley and tomorrow
This is what
it means to be held
How it feels,
when the sacred is torn from your life
And you
survive
This is what
it means to be loved and to know
That the
promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held
If hope is
born of suffering
If this is only
the beginning
Can we not
wait, for one hour
Watching for
our savior.
This is what
it means to be held
How it feels,
when the sacred is torn from your life
And you
survive
This is what
it means to be loved and to know
That the
promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held.
I’m much more comfortable being the holder. I like being the strong one. I like being the person that people come to
for comfort. When I was pregnant with
the twins I had to start drawing boundaries about how I could hold Trey. We had to change our routine to walking up the
stairs together instead of me carrying him.
That was brutal. There were many
tears shed on the first step leading upstairs and they were not just Trey’s
tears. My heart ached to pick him up and
hold him like he and I were used to.
When I had the twins, I was placed on medical restrictions to where I
still couldn’t pick him up for 6 weeks. It
was heartbreaking. When he needed
comfort, I wanted nothing more than to scoop him up. As soon as my restrictions were lifted, I was
right back to holding my boy. After almost
6 months of not being able to hold him, I hold him a lot more now. I scoop him up as much as I can. He now asks me to “key you” (his version of “carry
you”). Where once this was a nuisance,
it is now welcomed. I cherish the way he
crawls up in my lap, how my arms fit snugly around him and how he leans into me
as I kiss his cheeks. I cannot steal enough kisses. Every time I feel his big ol cheeks against
my lips, I try to memorize that feeling.
That baby skin. As a mom, you can’t
get enough of it.
One of the best parts about being a parent is that you are
the person that your child runs to for comfort.
When they are scared, anxious, tired, sick, etc, they come to you. It never gets old. When I got home from the
hospital Trey got sick. He had the worst
fever he has ever had. His poor little
body was wiped out. All he could do was
lay in my lap. My child that never stops
actually fell asleep with his head on my lap.
I can count the times he has fallen asleep on me on one hand. Those cuddles were priceless and just what my
aching heart needed.
One thing that we often forget is that God is a parent
too. We are His children. He longs to wrap his loving arms around us
when we are scared, anxious, tired, sick, etc.
He longs to comfort us in ways that only He can. I admit that I often deny him that joy. I run to family or friends first. Or just sit
and wallow. I’m really good at
wallowing. This year I want to make it a
habit to seek Him first and allow myself to just sit and be held. I don’t want to busy myself with my
autonomous “fix it” self-sufficiency. I
need to just crawl up in my father’s lap and let Him hold me. Let Him wrap his arms around me just like I
wrap my arms around Trey. To lean in to his kisses as Trey leans in to
mine. Let him cherish me like I cherish
Trey. 2016 has one focus: Just. Be. Held.
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