Called 2 Bow

“I know you can be over whelmed and I know you can be under whelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed ?”  That’s one of my favorite lines from 10 Things I Hate About You .  The word “overwhelmed” has come up a lot lately.  It is how I have felt and how many of my friends and family have felt.  Between multiple deaths in the family, health problems, my toddler teetering on potty training, our house that hasn’t sold and many expenses coming up, life is overwhelming.  For months I have felt like I was drowning.  The rain kept pouring down on me, the waters kept getting higher and higher and the waves kept getting rougher and rougher.  There I am, treading water, trying to keep my head above the surface.  I felt like I was drifting far away from those that I loved.  I couldn’t be the encourager I once was.  I couldn’t be the sounding board for my friends and family that I once was.  I found my eyes rolling and a huff coming out of my mouth when I saw a text come through with another

We have a family of cardinals in our yard.  I have yet to see the babies but Denny has seen them hopping around on the ground.  I love cardinals.  I love how bright they are against the lush green of the trees.  Just this morning I was sitting at the kitchen table reading my Bible when I looked up through the windows to the top of the trees.  There I saw a beautiful cardinal, sitting in the tree as it waved in the wind.  Cardinals became precious to me after my friend Brittany used them to depict Lucas and Lorelei in a portrait she painted.  That portrait sits in a place of honor on our mantle.  I love that God had a family of cardinals find their home in our yard, the yard that we envisioned Lucas, Lorelei and Trey playing in.  Ever since I received that amazing painting from Brittany, I think of my babies when I see cardinals, especially when I see two playing with eachother.  There’s a song called “Resurrecting” by Elevation Worship that we have been singing in church lately.

I’ve always had a very romantic view of love- hopeless romantic, gushy Nicholas Sparks view of love.  I blame Hollywood.  When I was in high school I pledged to not say “I love you” until I knew for sure I was going to marry that person.  I wouldn’t even say it to friends.  That was reserved for family and my future husband.  Period.  I always hated when friends would say it to me because I would have to come up with some way to skirt around it and not offend them.  That is awkward.  Friend: “I love you”.  Me: “ok.  See you later!”  Denny and I were dating for about a month when he said those three words.  Awkward.  And no, I didn’t do the Hollywood cliché “thank you” and the not-so-clever plot unfolds.  I kissed him and let that be my response.  We did discuss it though and I explained that I didn’t want to say that until I knew that I truly meant it.  Those words are precious to me.  I don’t toss those words around lightly.  Those words are heavy- a burden that you have the choic

This is my second attempt at this piece.  I only wrote about a paragraph in the first one before I scrapped it.  It was going down an angry rabbit hole and I have already been there.  That’s what happens when I write sometimes.  I may be feeling great but my writing will reveal things that I don’t even realize are there.  I planned to write about Mother’s day.  I planned to write about how one holiday can be seen many different ways.  Scenario #1:  All moms and children are happy and healthy.  This is how I grew up.  Mothers Day was a day to celebrate my mom and grandmas.  Mom didn’t cook on mother’s day (as no mother should) but she still organized a good feast.  We usually got together with my dad’s side of the family because they were local.  This scenario is ideal.   Scenario #2: there are children who grieve a mother who is gone.  My mom faced her first mother’s day without her mom today.  It occurred to her Tuesday that this day will be harder than she expected.  Now