Called 2 Bow

There’s a question that I face all the time.  It comes in many forms.  Its considered small talk akin to “what do you think of the weather we’re having?”  The answer to this question can also come in many forms.  It can be small talk or it can plunge us to the depths of personal revelation.  The question I am referring to is “How many kids do you have?”  or “is he your only?”, as they look to my 3 year old.  I could answer that simply or go into the long explanation of the twins and what happened.  This question came up last night.  I was at church and saw someone I hadn’t seen in years.  She looked at me and said “the last time I saw you, you had a little boy, right?  Do you have any more?”  I responded “just the one I have in my belly”.  When I walked away my friend jokingly said, “what, you didn’t want to go into all the details of the last 6 months?”  I laughed and said “nope”.  By the way, this is why this friend is my best friend. She can join me in my morbid sense of humo

I’m much more anxious with this pregnancy than I thought I would be.  We knew we wanted another child.  We were trying so none of this is a surprise.  I have talked to other women who lost children and then went on to have more.  Every fear that I have is valid.  Every one has been felt by any woman who has lost a child. I almost feel like I’ve been holding my breath, waiting for something bad to happen.  Knowing the last six months, you can’t really blame me. Today I had my first doctor’s appointment, with a new OB.  This morning I prayed over the appointment.  I journaled all of my fears and I combatted each one with truth.  I was afraid of not seeing anything on the ultrasound.  The truth of the matter was that it is really early to see anything so an unclear ultrasound was a possibility.  That would just mean I would have to wait a couple more weeks for the baby to develop enough to be seen.  That’s not the worst thing that I could face so its doable.  I was afraid of seeing

We made our announcement last week about baby #4 on its way.  We’ve gotten a lot of texts and messages congratulating us.  Lots of messages letting us know the prayers that have been said on our behalf and prayers that will continue.  We are incredibly grateful for that.  I’ve also gotten some shocked looks when I say we literally just found out last Sunday.  I know what those shocked looks are for.  Many think we announced way too soon.  The accepted practice is to announce after you get the ultrasound picture or after 3 months “when its safe”.  We lost twins at 20 weeks, way past the “safe” zone.  There are a few reasons that we decided to announce so quickly. First, writing has been healing for me.  It has helped me get through the ups and downs of grief.  It has been my mode of transportation in this journey- the peaks and valleys, celebration and sorrow.  I have been brutally honest.  It only makes sense that I would open up about this new journey we are on.  I’m sure this

Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “ Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth… As for you, be fruitful and increase in number ; multiply on the earth and increase upon it. Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him:   “ I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth. I establish my covenant with you : Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.” And God said, “ This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come:   I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.   Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears i