Love

I’ve always had a very romantic view of love- hopeless romantic, gushy Nicholas Sparks view of love.  I blame Hollywood.  When I was in high school I pledged to not say “I love you” until I knew for sure I was going to marry that person.  I wouldn’t even say it to friends.  That was reserved for family and my future husband.  Period.  I always hated when friends would say it to me because I would have to come up with some way to skirt around it and not offend them.  That is awkward.  Friend: “I love you”.  Me: “ok.  See you later!”  Denny and I were dating for about a month when he said those three words.  Awkward.  And no, I didn’t do the Hollywood cliché “thank you” and the not-so-clever plot unfolds.  I kissed him and let that be my response.  We did discuss it though and I explained that I didn’t want to say that until I knew that I truly meant it.  Those words are precious to me.  I don’t toss those words around lightly.  Those words are heavy- a burden that you have the choice to carry.

I still get anxious when friends say “I love you”.  This concept is deeply ingrained in me.  After I posted the last blog, a friend sent me a message and said “I love you.  I know that seems weird to say because I barely know you.  But I do.”  And then she continued to say how much she appreciated my honesty when I write because it echoed her thoughts and feelings on a lot of similar issues.  That was not weird to me at all.  I immediately responded with “I love you too!” And then what I had just said struck me.  I had just broken my own rule, like it was nothing.  But I don’t regret it.  Not one tiny bit.  What we have been through has caused me to reevaluate how I view life and the relationships I have. 

I have so many friends who have walked this journey with me- whether they have experienced infant loss or not.  They have been there to sit with me, cry with me, pray for me, encourage me, etc.  Those that have had the bravery to step up in these moments, I cannot express how much I appreciate them.  When I stop to think about it, I truly do love them, no doubt about it. 

I am learning that there is nothing wrong with telling people you love them.  These are words that we need to hear and words that we need to express and acknowledge.  Jesus taught a lot about love.  I have heard these sermons countless of times growing up in the church but the depth of it lacked resonance until I thought about this piece.  John 21:15-17 says, “When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”  “Yes Lord” he said, “you know that I love you.”  Jesus said “Feed my lambs”.  Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John do you love me?”  He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”  Jesus said “Take care of my sheep”.  The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”  Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him a third time, “Do you love me?”  He said, “Lord, you know all things, you know that I love you.”  Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.”

How frustrating for Peter to have the same question asked three times.  How frustrating for Jesus to have to ask it.  There are different translations of the Greek word “love”.  The first two times Jesus used “agape” which means self-sacrificial love.  The third time Jesus used “phileo” love which means affection or brotherly love.  Jesus was getting to the heart of the matter with Peter.  He was saying “Do you love me?  Do you really love me enough to serve me (and my people)?  Or are you just my friend.

There was a lot of sacrificing going on the last 6 months around here.  Lots of friends sacrificed their time, their money and time with their families to serve us.  There are friends that showed me agape love.  There are friends that I will drop everything and do the same.  Not because they did it first.  But just because I love them.  That’s what you do when you love someone.

A few months ago I got to go be with my Grandma.  This was about a week before she passed away.  My mom, my aunt and I had the pleasure of visiting with her and singing to her.  I’ll never forget singing the beautiful old hymns in 3 part harmony while she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.  When she was awake, however, all she could say was “I love you”.  I heard an entire lifetime of “I love you’s” from her that week.  That made a strong impression on me.  I know she had limited strength in those last days so I’m sure she couldn’t have shared major life lessons.  But those 3 words coming from her was a life lesson for me.  No longer do I need to define what is deserving or appropriate for those 3 words.  Love as Grammy loved on her death bed- the only thing on her mind was making sure we knew how much she loved us. 

Again, I struggle with communicating love.  But I have a major weakness.  My major weakness is my son.  I probably say “I love you” one hundred times a day.  Along with those “I love yous” are hundreds of kisses.  That kid has no doubt that he is loved.  That is what I need to extend to others.  More people in this world need to know that they are loved.  They are adored.  They are cherished.  They are appreciated. 

I was supposed to write this piece last week.  This was the subject God laid on my heart.  But I didn’t consider it earth shattering or life changing.  I didn’t see how it was worthy of people’s time to read.  But think about how the world would change if love was expressed like this- if people didn’t care what people thought, they just loved and took care of each other.  I know my life has changed because of the agape love that was shown to me and my family.  Just as my relationship with Denny changed the moment I said those 3 words to him.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  We had gone to Tallahassee to meet his parents for the first time.  While we were there, Denny got sick- REALLY sick.  I had to leave him there with his parents and it broke my heart.  My heart just ached to leave him.  When I got home I realized how serious that feeling was.  I couldn’t wait to say those three words, “I love you”.