Lost and Restored

I always look forward to Easter.  Easter was a big deal when I was a kid.  I remember all the frilly dresses and white patent leather shoes.  Mom used to make a special breakfast for us- cinnamon rolls or one year she got bagels and individually wrapped them in spring colored saran wrap to make it festive.  I remember the amazing smell of hyacinths that lined the stage at church.  We used to have our cousins over for Easter dinner and an egg hunt after church.   One year it was a scavenger hunt where each egg contained a clue to find our Easter surprises.  I remember finding a My Little Pony in the freezer and a kite in the trunk of our car.  These are all the things that I have looked forward to sharing with Trey.  This year things haven’t gone as planned.

Thursday Trey woke up and wasn’t himself.  He was lethargic and kept saying “sleepy”.  I loaded him into the car to go to school and he fell asleep on the way.  That should’ve been my clue to turn around and go home.  I ignored it because I was too excited for his Easter party at school. I couldn’t wait to see the joy on his face as he ran around collecting the Easter eggs.  We got five minutes from the school and he got sick.  I’ll spare you the details but I did turn around to get home as quickly as possible.  I built a nest on the couch for my little sickie. 

We have battled a fever the entire weekend.  This morning Trey woke up with no fever!  Praise Jesus!  But it hasn’t been 24 hours without a fever so I’m hesitant to take him to church.  Again, I was so bummed.  I hate missing Easter Sunday.  To add insult to injury, I pulled up facebook and saw all the fun easter baskets and pinterest breakfasts friends created for their kids.  I decided I wasn’t getting on facebook for the rest of the day today.  It was just too depressing.  I have a few things for Trey but I don’t want to tease him with sugar he can’t have until he is truly better.  So the Easter bunny is coming tomorrow, Lord willing. 

Its hard to celebrate Easter without all the things that you’re used to.  I felt like I was stripped of all tradition.  Its hard to make the choice to simply worship.  I’ve grown so used to all the extra stuff that goes along with holidays- the activities, gifts, meals, etc.  But this is more than a holiday.  Its more than tradition.  This is about Jesus.  This is about His sacrifice.  He laid aside his desires, his comfort in order to give us life. 

This has been a year of loss.  We lost our babies in October and my grandmother in February.  As I reflect on Easter I can’t help but think of something our pastor said at the twin’s memorial.  He shared how God is all too familiar with loss.  I’ll never forget when Paul looked at us as we sat in the front row and said “He lost a kid too”.  He truly has experienced everything we have. 

Having to stay home from church on Easter makes perfect sense this year.  We’ve experienced deep loss, but so has God.  Being forced to strip this day down to the essentials is more important.  That way I can experience the loss AND the restoration. 

This morning I chose to worship despite my sadness over lack of pomp and circumstance.  I chose to make coffee and turn on the worship service from my church on my laptop.  The service was on God’s way to restore what was lost.  He restored our souls to salvation through the sacrifice of His son.  At one point in the service they showed an image of Christ suspended on the cross.  The screen then went black for just a second and I saw my reflection on the laptop screen.  I saw brokenness.  I saw sadness.  That is what Christ died for- for my brokenness and yours. 

As our pastor got to the salvation message, Trey abandoned his toys and climbed up in my lap.  He sat with me as we listened to the gospel presentation.  At 3 years old he was much more interested in the circles and triangles on the backdrop behind the pastor but the point was clear to me.  This year isn’t about the crazy perfect pinterest mom Easter experience.  Its about exposing my son to salvation.  Its about letting him hear that message over and over until it is engrained upon his heart.  Its about him experiencing the love of God and His message of restoration.  Its about showing Trey that we can experience loss in life but we can also experience true, abundant joy through the resurrection of Christ.

Easter Sunday is just a day we choose to commemorate the sacrifice of Christ on the cross.   But the truth is, that is something we can celebrate every day.  We celebrate by putting our desires aside and serving others.  We celebrate by loving the unlovable.  We celebrate by making the choice to focus on restoration and not loss.  One day he will restore each of us to Him, in Heaven, and we will hold our love ones once again.   Our sadness will turn into salvation and our tears will turn into triumph. 

I have a New Years tradition of picking a word for the year instead of focusing on resolutions.  I have two friends that have joined me in my tradition this year.  Our words have even turned into nicknames: Manny, Held and Hope.  Our words have carried us through Lent and onto the celebration of Easter.  Today we celebrate Immanual (Manny)- God with us.  The Lord chose to send His one and only son into our world to die for our sins.  Because of His sacrifice, we can rest in the Lord’s arms and be HELD in times of loss or uncertainty.  Easter is a celebration of HOPE- hope that we will one day be reunited with our loved ones in Eternity.