Avid Coffee Drinker

I love coffee.  I come from a long line of coffee drinkers so its in my blood.  I love the smell.  I love the warmth of the mug in my hands.  I remember learning to make coffee for my mom when I was little and taking it to her with pride.  In all honesty it probably had more coffee grounds floating in it than it should but my mom always drank it.  Its one of those mom things- if your kid makes it for you, you eat it.  I truly look forward to Trey learning to make coffee for me- no matter what crazy consistency it has.  My coffee tastes have changed over the years.  When I first started drinking coffee it was of the Frappuccino variety- very sweet and flavored.  I’ve been able to back off the sweeteners and just use cream.  Someday I might be like my mom and drink it black but I’m not there yet.  My church has a wonderful ministry where they set up coffee for us to enjoy during the service.  While I appreciate it, I struggle because they have the generic, powdered creamer.  I usually have to use a little sugar with that stuff.  I rarely get it to taste right no matter how hard I try.  Its hard to get it mixed properly with that little stirrer.  It is typically more bitter than I like but as I get to the bottom it tends to get sweeter.  Then that last sip is just right.  Its warm and sweet and makes you want to get some more.  Sometimes that’s life- it can be a little bitter but if you stick with it, its sweet and leaves you yearning for more.

This concept struck me yesterday as I was standing enjoying my coffee during the worship set at church.  I can still taste that last, sweet drop.  As I quickly scribbled this idea on my bulletin, they started playing “You’re a good, good Father”.  This is a powerful song speaking of how good God is and how much He deeply loves us.  My favorite part of the song is the bridge which says

“you call me deeper still

You call me deeper still

You call me deeper still

Into love, love, love”

I’ve been attending a support group since I lost the twins.  The facilitator of the group gave an analogy of grief the other day that has stuck with me.  Often times we feel like we’re drowning.  We feel like we are treading water, but slipping under the surface more often than not.  We touch the bottom and bounce up to the surface to grab another breath.  Its exhausting to live like this so when we get a breath, we take a break from treading water and let ourselves sink just for a second.  But the point she was making was that when we hit the bottom, its not the ocean floor we hit.  We bounce on the fingertips of Jesus.  He gives us a little push to get a breath.  But what He really desires for us is to just sink down into His arms.  Yes, He is down deep, deeper than we have ever allowed ourselves to go.  But He desires to hold us while we wrestle with loss.  Getting those quick breaths does not satisfy.  If we allow ourselves to rest in the arms of Jesus, we get refueled by the strength of His love.  That strength is the strength that lasts- not those little bursts we get from struggling to get above water.

I’ve been listening to worship music on Pandora.  “Good, good Father” comes up a lot.  I don’t believe in coincidence.  I believe that if something comes up over and over in your life, perk up and pay attention because God is trying to say something.  So I have been listening.  Another song that has been coming up a lot lately is “Oceans”.  One line says “Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior”.  There it is again- the concept of being brought DEEPER in the presence of my Savior. 

What does being brought deeper feel like?  Deeper feels overwhelming.  Deeper feels like you can’t take one more thing- one more fight with your spouse, one more health threat to your family, one more story on the news about political unrest or terrorist attack.  Deeper is hard to breathe.  Deeper makes you want to give up.  Deeper is leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, like coffee that hasn’t been mixed well. 

How do we react to deeper?  The easy thing to do would be to sink your head in the sand and not face it.  To be honest, there are days when I don’t want to get out of bed.  I just don’t want to face the day and the “one mores” that it might contain.  But eventually I do because I have a 3 year old to take care of.  Some react to deeper by running.  Just abandon your commitments and responsibilities.  Marriage, parenthood, leadership in the church, etc.  Throw it all away because it is too much. 

As I listened to “Oceans” this morning, I thought about “deeper”.  I thought about how deeper brings life.  If you allow yourself to sit in deeper, allow that “one more” to wash over you, eventually God will provide the breath you so desperately need.  That breath is going to be so much more satisfying because you have faced the deep.   That breath is going to be sweet like the last sip of a poorly mixed cup of coffee.  You’ll get a breath and yearn for more- even though asking for more means you might have to sink back into the deep.  But that sweet breath is intoxicating.  You have known the deep and you have survived.  You have felt the arms of the Lord wrapped around you. 

What’s another word for deep?  Faith.  You can’t get faith without facing the deep- whatever deep the Lord calls you to.  Your deep may not be grief.  Your deep might be struggling to handle three little ones without losing your mind.  The point is, faith is born out of the depths.  In those moments of facing the depths, you remember how God brought you through before.  You remember that last sweet sip of coffee and remember that if you just keep sinking into the depths of that warm mug of coffee, you will reach the sweet.