The Many Roles of my Mama

Child of God       Wife         Mother           Pastor’s Wife        Friend           Piano Teacher

My parents moved to Georgia, from Michigan, last September.  It has been a blast.  I have loved spending so much time with them.  The kids love going to their apartment.  We often go whenever we’re bored.  Head over to their apartment and let the kids play with their toys reserved for Grammy and Pop Pop’s house while mom and I have a cup of coffee.  We venture out to the library or the local playground- all within walking distance.  There are trails to walk in the woods- which is a blessing in the Georgia heat.  However, if we go now, we can’t go in Grammy and Pop Pop’s apartment.  Non-essential people are not allowed in the building.  If we walk to the park, we will find the playground temporarily (Lord willing) fenced off.  We have to keep our distance from Grammy and Pop Pop- no hugs or horseplay.  These are strange times. 



This is my mom’s first Mother’s Day in Georgia- and what a way to celebrate, right?!  Ugh.  We gotta get creative this year.  Quarantine can’t stop me from writing about her!   My mom has many roles- as women often do.  Child of God.  Wife.  Mother.  Pastor’s Wife.  Friend.  Piano teacher. 



Wife. Mom has been married to dad for 47 years.  47 years.  FORTY-SEVEN.  They have modeled a godly marriage.  They rarely fought in front of us.  They modeled kindness and humility.  Mom, in particular, modeled how to lead in the household but also respect the leadership of my dad, the head of the household.  That’s a struggle this day and age but I’m proud to have seen that positive example right in front of me.    Yall, my parents have been quarantined in a one bedroom apartment.  They only have eachother.  All those qualities they have instilled these last 47 years have been practice “for such a time as these”.  They have a possibility of moving to a two bedroom apartment.  They’ve been discussing it and for many reasons they are leaning toward staying in their one bedroom apartment.  I’m amazed that in a time of quarantine, they have learned that they are content.  All they need is eachother.  Denny and I have been married for almost 12 years.  In this time of quarantine, I’m trying to model what my mom has shown for years.  To be kind when stress is high.  To acknowledge my pride and “need to be right” in order to try to work together.  To practice contentment and joy with what we DO have and not what isn’t as readily available as it used to be.    



Mom.  Mom is the mom I aspire to be.  She’s always calm.  I don’t remember her losing her temper with us- I’m sure it happened but it must have been so rare because I have zero memories of such occasions.  And I’m sure we gave her plenty of opportunities.  My mom is self-less.  Mom drops everything to be with her children.  There have been multiple times when I have called her in crisis-  denny’s extra long trips when I was a brand new mom, when I thought I was “sick” and then ended up losing the twins a few hours later, when Addie had Cdiff last year, etc.  This quarantine is weird because I can’t call my mom to rescue me.  But it’s my turn to be self-less.  With Denny occasionally still traveling, its safer for her to keep her distance.  Its my turn to show the love and self-lessness that she has modelled for years.   In this time of quarantine, parenting is HARD.  I have one hour a day to myself.  For an introvert, that is a real struggle.  Yesterday afternoon, for example, I took the kids to run an errand (they stayed in the car for safety reasons).  As soon as we got home it was time to be a short-order cook for lunch.  Peanut butter and jelly for trey, charcuterie plate for my non-sandwich eater, and eggs for myself.  I was hungry and tired.  As I was starting to make lunch, addie started crying asking for me to help her get on the potty.  She has been fully potty trained for weeks- and does everything completely on her own.  I refused to stop what I was doing, telling her that she could do it herself.  Well- you get where this is going.  Instead of stopping to help, I had to clean up a big mess.  I did not react well.  This isn’t the “calm” I am trying to be, like my mom.  This isn’t the “self-less” mom I am trying to be, like my mom.  But in this quarantine, I can also practice something else mom has modelled for years- “choose to have a better day”.  This example could define me as a mom, or I can choose to learn from it and move on. FYI- that’s what I choose.



Pastor’s Wife.    For some, being a pastor’s wife is just coincidental.  You marry the man who happens to be a pastor.  For others, being a pastor’s wife is a calling.  Mom decided from day one that she was called to be involved in every aspect of Dad’s ministry.  They often joke that dad doesn’t have a musical bone in his body so God decided to fill that gap with mom.  He preaches, she sings and plays the piano.  The perfect duo.  But being a pastor is much more than the pulpit- there’s counseling, hospital visits, and teaching bible studies.  Mom is right by his side and taking an active role in all of that.  Mom was/is privy to a lot of information.  She has never shared any of it.  She’s a dungeon of secrets.  Along with those secrets comes zero judgment.  Zero.  She’s a listening ear who can be trusted 100%.  Although I’m not a pastor’s wife, I can use those skills in my everyday life.  Quarantine brings out the crazy, yall.  We have all struggled staying sane these days.  Sometimes you need to let out some emotions.  I can listen and not judge.  I can guard your integrity by not sharing what you vent about.  I can offer encouragement.



Friend.  This one kind of goes without saying.  But I’d be missing a huge gap in who mom is if I didn’t include it.  Personally, she is my best friend in the entire world.  No one knows me like my mom.  She’s the first person I call.  Often times, she’s the only person that can pull me from the depths of despair.  She has seen my joy and my deep, deep pain.  She accepts me as I am but also loves me enough to call me out on my crap.  Just a note that must be said: we are best friends now because she was always a mom first.  We were not best friends when I was a kid.  She took her role as mother very seriously, which yields the result of the love and respect I have for her now (Just saying).  I’ve had the honor of watching her friendships over the years.  As I think of it, there are a few godly women that stand out in my mind as mom’s closest friends. What I’ve watched from her example over the years is that God brings people in your life in seasons.  There are friends that add different seasonings to your life.  Some friends you reach out to that accept your rawness, some you go to for a laugh, some you go to for spiritual guidance, some you go to because you are in the same life situation.  All of these friendships serve a very valuable purpose.  I have experienced this richness in friendship over the years.  I’m thankful for my mom’s example of treasuring friendships for what they are in the season that God gives them to you.  In this time of quarantine, I’ve seen friendships blossom that were not there before this crisis hit.  These friendships have brought sanity to my life these past couple months and I can only hope that I have been the kind of friend that mom has taught me to be. 



Piano Teacher.  Mom taught piano in our house my entire life.  The background noise to my childhood was Fur Elise and Cannon in D.  We constantly had kids in our house.  I loved it.  I loved the extra playmates and even sitting and chatting with the moms as they waited for their kids.  Each lesson was 30 minutes.  But to be honest- the first 10 minutes of each lesson was a counseling session.  She knew about tests that were coming up, fights they had with friends, books they were reading, college plans, etc.  Mom loved and knew her students.  She invested her soul into them.  If you talk to any of them now, they will tell you that what they learned from my mom was much more than piano notes.  She was a pillar of faith and stability in their life.  How am I using this in quarantine?  No.  I’m not teaching my kids piano.  That’s Grammy’s job.  But I can instill a love of music in my kids.  I always have music-mostly worship- playing in the house.  I love it when Trey will hear a song and shout “I know that song!” or when Addie claims a song “That’s my song, mom mom!”.  Music is a way to channel emotions.  I love that a song can express exactly how I feel and I can share it with people to help them process these stressful times. 



Did you notice I skipped one?  Wife.  Mother. Friend.  Piano Teacher.  CHILD OF GOD.  In the beginning, I listed it as first.  But I didn’t write about it first.  You know why?  Being a child of God is mom’s number one role in life.  She takes that the most seriously.  She spends time in the Word every day. Know how I know?  The pages and pages of journals sharing how the Word applies to her life.  She prays as she takes her walks every day.  The reason I didn’t write on that first is that being a child of God seeps into all of her other roles.  God is the guide as she walks the paths of wife, mother, friend and piano teacher.  She filters each conversation through the Lord.  God is love, slow to anger, the Great Counselor and a trustworthy friend.  And because of God, so is my mom.