ridiculousness


We’re getting to crunch time- 4 weeks til our Addie Grace is due.  As far as I’m concerned, I’ll be happy with her showing up anytime.  But I’ll admit that I don’t have everything ready for her.  Trey spent a week with his grandparents in Tallahassee so I could focus on getting stuff ready for Addie.  I can say I have never experienced “nesting” like I have this week.  I couldn’t sleep and I had this anxious energy all the time.  That helped to motivate me to get my projects done.  I took on more ridiculous projects than I ever have.  I made curtains- that’s right- I made curtains.  Step aside Martha Stewart.  I put in hours of cutting and tying- often in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep.  I sanded a table and painted it sparkly red.  I shopped for the perfect accessories for her room.  Trey never got a room like this one.  None of his pinterest inspired projects got done.  The only thing we got done was paint his room.  I never even started decorating the twin’s room (thank God).  So far Addie isn’t turning out to be the typical “second child”.  I feel like I am doing more for her than I did for Trey but I have been reflecting on that as I wrap up these projects.  There are very good reasons for working my tired hands to the bone to complete these projects for my baby girl. 

The first reason that I’m working so hard is that it feels good to complete something.  I didn’t get to complete my pregnancy with the twins.  I never saw full term.  I never even got started on collecting things for them.  I have more things that were given to us after we lost them than items that were bought specifically for them.  There’s a sense of pride when I look at the things that I did myself (with a little help from friends on a few items).  I have always wanted to put my personal stamp on a piece of furniture, even before kids.  That is a dream come true.  And the piece I did for Addie is sparkly- BONUS!

The biggest reason though is that I have a deep desire for Addie Grace to have her own things.  We have been blessed with hand me downs from clothes to car seats which we are so thankful for!  As a kid I looked forward to getting hand me downs from my cousin.  I still remember coming home from school to bags of clothes and how ecstatic I was over each and every item.  I feel the same way about what we have been given for Addie.  We saved all of Trey’s baby items hoping to have another kid so we’re set with a swing, bouncy seat, baby carrier, etc.  The logical part of me says “we’re set.  She doesn’t need anything”.  However, I was thrilled when a friend gave us a new pack in play because its purple (whereas Trey’s is green).  Going against all logic, I just bought her a pink carseat and stroller.  Girl doesn’t need it but I think I did. 

We refer to Addie Grace as our rainbow baby.  She is our rainbow after the storm.  We were blessed with beauty out of ashes.  We have received many baby items with rainbows on them- which we love and treasure.  But those things are significant to US.  This week as I have been putting together her beautiful “somewhere over the rainbow” nursery I have reflected a lot about my little Addie Grace’s identity.  What will she think about being our rainbow baby?  Will she grow up in the shadow of her heavenly brother and sister?  Will she see her life as special because SHE is special or will she see herself as a “replacement”?  Will she feel the love we desperately feel for HER and HER alone?

I want my baby to know that I love her for HER, not because of what we went through before her.  I think that’s why I have pushed logic aside and gotten her her own things.  I wanted things that are pink and purple.  I want sparkles and tutus.  We are in a new season of life- a season exploding with flowers and glitter and lace.  I couldn’t be happier.  Happier because we have a little girl weeks away from being nestled in our arms. 

As I sit and write, I’m feeling her wiggle and squirm.  From the womb she is different from her siblings.  Trey wasn’t a kicker- he was a pusher and would always push in one particular spot.  I would literally walk around with my hand over my ribs, pushing him back in.  I joked that I was teaching him boundaries from the womb.  The twins were pretty calm.  At twenty weeks I was just getting to the point where I could feel them move and there were two of them!  Addie Grace is just busy.  She is constantly turning and wiggling.  She is already telling me that she is different than her siblings.  I want her to grow up knowing that she is loved just for being her.  I see her as her own person.  There are no comparisons or expectations.  She is our Addie Grace, covered in glitter and lace.

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