Dedication


I love the “On this day” feature on facebook.  I love the reminders of what has happened the last few years.  Facebook reminded me that three years ago we celebrated our son’s dedication to the Lord.  We gathered with family and friends and vowed to raise him in a godly home, raising him to love the Lord above all.  Child dedications are a big deal in our family.  We were excited to continue this godly tradition with our Trey.  Normally it is done at church but I’m blessed with a wonderful father who is a pastor.  He dedicated my brother and I so we asked him to dedicate Trey.  Of course, the doting grandfather said yes!  So we invited friends and family to come to the house and had a whole service just for us. 

We sang two songs that were meaningful to us during trey’s pregnancy.  My father in law prayed for us.  Then dad shared a devotional which included the meaning of Trey’s names and the significance to raising him to love the Lord.  It was a wonderful day.  All the plans that were put in place went just the way we planned them.  That day was one of the first things I planned for Trey, way back when I was pregnant with him.  I enjoyed dreaming about that ceremony.  I couldn’t wait to share his story with our friends and family on that day, to sing and pray together.

The twins had a service planned for them too.  Again, it was one of the first things I planned for them.  Their songs were picked out the week we found out I was pregnant.  Turns out, the songs we picked for them worked better as funeral songs than for a dedication service. I remember thinking that as I stood singing them at their memorial.  Jeremiah 29:11 says “’For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future’.”  God had it all planned out.  He saw what was to be and planted the seeds of comfort before I knew I needed them. 

Yesterday I was reflecting on the dedication of Trey.  I was listening to one of my favorite CDs that was pivotal in my healing recently (Lauren Daigle’s How Can It Be).  The thought occurred me: my parents are coming next week.  They always come to visit in July.  That is why we planned Trey’s dedication for this week, three years ago.  Then it hit me- if the twins had lived, we would have had their dedication this Saturday.  Ouch.  That isn’t a realization that I had prepared for.  I prepared for their due date. I’ve prepared for facing other baby births that were due about the same time.  I prepared my heart for getting pregnant again.  I did not think to prepare for the dedication that would never be. 

That realization was a swift kick in the gut.  But as the scripture continues in Jeremiah 29:12-13, “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  The thought of the twin’s dedication came while I was already in a time of worship.  I already had my heart in a space of seeking the Lord’s face.  That’s what made that kick in the gut swift and not lingering.  This is what happens when you have a trauma take place in your life.  Grief gets easier.  It still hits at times.  But it is easier to deal with, less immediate.  You can take a moment to feel the pain, appreciate it, knowing that joy will follow.  That pain is not THE end, it WILL end.  Pain is replaced with hope, if we allow it. 

We are now in a place of choosing hope.  This is 100% a choice.  It isn’t easy to make plans and let yourself dream again.  It is much easier to live in the past, in the despair, full of fear and paranoia. But that is not what God plans for us.  Again, Jeremiah says he plans to “prosper you and not to harm you… to give you a hope and a future.”  He doesn’t want us stuck on what was.  He wants us to look at what will be. 

We have another opportunity to dedicate another child to the Lord next July.  Today I allowed myself to dream and plan.  I thought about the music I want played.  I walked out into our gorgeous backyard with the Crepe Myrtle flowering the ground with bright pink flowers.  I thought about how amazing it will be to sit out there with our family and friends, dedicating this child to the Lord.  I thought about how fun it would be to enjoy the pool with those friends and family afterwards.  I allowed myself to dream. 

It just occurred to me that the theme of Trey’s dedication three years ago, DREAM.  Dad talked about DREAM in his message during our wedding.   Dreaming is hard.  It is vulnerable.  It opens you up to hurt.  But it also opens you up to joy and love that knows no bounds.  It fills your days with hope.  It allows your heart to be light and allows that light to flow out to others.  When I feel fear creep in, I’m going to look at that beautiful Crepe Myrtle in my yard.  I’m going to picture my friends and family sitting below as the petals rain down on us.  I’m going to picture holding a sleeping baby while we talk about the meaning of that child’s name.  When fear creeps in, I’m going to dream.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dots

I feel like I’m making a career out of grief.  It’s a terrible thing to joke about but grief has given me a warped sense of humor and if you are repeatedly slapped in the face with grief, you have to choose to laugh.  I’ve grown to love funerals.  I love hearing about the one that Heaven gained.  You learn so much from funerals.  You learn what is important, and what is not.  You always walk away learning new things about the deceased and wishing you had spent more time investing in that relationship.  You learn to dig deeper into the relationships you have now so that you don’t miss any wisdom that you can grab onto while they are here.  You walk away with the blunt reminder that life is short.  Make it count.  Heaven gained another good one this week with my Uncle Jim.  My uncle was quiet with a very dry sense of humor.  He loved nature, trains, diving, and art.  He also deeply loved his wife, Annette.  The marking moment in his life was an accident he had when he was a teenag
Read more

Method to our Madness

We made our announcement last week about baby #4 on its way.  We’ve gotten a lot of texts and messages congratulating us.  Lots of messages letting us know the prayers that have been said on our behalf and prayers that will continue.  We are incredibly grateful for that.  I’ve also gotten some shocked looks when I say we literally just found out last Sunday.  I know what those shocked looks are for.  Many think we announced way too soon.  The accepted practice is to announce after you get the ultrasound picture or after 3 months “when its safe”.  We lost twins at 20 weeks, way past the “safe” zone.  There are a few reasons that we decided to announce so quickly. First, writing has been healing for me.  It has helped me get through the ups and downs of grief.  It has been my mode of transportation in this journey- the peaks and valleys, celebration and sorrow.  I have been brutally honest.  It only makes sense that I would open up about this new journey we are on.  I’m sure this
Read more

Rainbow

Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “ Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth… As for you, be fruitful and increase in number ; multiply on the earth and increase upon it. Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him:   “ I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth. I establish my covenant with you : Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.” And God said, “ This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come:   I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.   Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears i
Read more