Rainbow

Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth…

As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it.

Then God said to Noah and to his sons with him:  “I now establish my covenant with you and with your descendants after you and with every living creature that was with you—the birds, the livestock and all the wild animals, all those that came out of the ark with you—every living creature on earth. I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be destroyed by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.”

And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.”

So God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant I have established between me and all life on the earth.”   Genesis 9:1-17

I read this passage back in January.  I got my coloring pencils out and underlined these phrases in the colors of a rainbow.  This passage is God speaking to me.  Each phrase that stood out to me was mentioned twice in the passage.  When things are repeated in scripture, pay attention.  God is making a point.  We lost two babies in October 2015.  This passage says the following, twice:

“Be fruitful and multiply”

“I now establish my covenant with you”

“never again”

“this is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you”

“I will remember my covenant”

I felt like God was saying “I’m going to say this once for each baby you lost- once for Lorelei and once for Lucas.”  (FYI, I’m crying as I type this.  I literally just got on my knees and sobbed.)

Another reason why the story of Noah has been special to me is the rainbow that comes at the end of the story.  “I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”  The rainbow is a sign of the promise God made to Noah, and to us.  A child born after child loss is called a “rainbow baby”.  It’s a baby that is given to you after you have faced such tremendous loss. 

I’ve faced a lot of questions lately.  From those that don’t know about our loss, they look at Trey and say “so is it time to try for number 2?”  From those that do know, “Have you thought about trying again?”  I’ve had different answers to those questions depending on the situation and how much I feel like revealing.  The truth is, the last six months has been an emotional rollercoaster.  There have been times when I am all for having another child.  There are times when I have been terrified, not knowing if I could face it again. 

But a passage of scripture like the one above is what brings me peace.  God’s promise of a rainbow helps me to breathe.  To borrow from my own words in my last blog entitled “Whelmed”,

“I have made that passage a prayer over my life.  I’ve faced a flood of death and devastation.  My prayer is that God sees my obedience in seeking Him.  I pray that I have glorified Him in the midst of my flood.  I pray that as we have struggled, we have been a light to others in the same boat (no pun intended!).  I’m still looking for my rainbow.  I know its coming.  I know my God won’t leave me in a flood forever.  But for now, my anchor holds within the veil.”

God’s timing is sometimes comical, isn’t it?  Only He would know that as I wrote that article, looking for a rainbow, there already was one nestled inside my womb.  Did you catch that?  Are you paying attention?  We have our rainbow.  I don’t have a due date yet but my calculations would place it in February/March… one year exactly from the twin’s expected due date.  We get to reclaim that time period.  Instead of March 5^th being a day of gloom over the twin’s due date that never came to be, we get to look forward to seeing a rainbow.