The Resolution of D Day

We did it.  We got through D-Day, the twin’s due date.  It was a busy day.  It was a day of remembrance.  It was a day of joy.  I think we successfully re-claimed the day.  It could have been a day marked with sadness and pain.  But we chose to claim ownership of our memories and not be hostages of them.  Memories of tragedy can take you captive and replay over and over in your mind.  Or you can create new memories.  The old ones are always there, don’t get me wrong, but they are re-purposed like those TV shows where they take things found in flea markets and make them into something beautiful.

Saturday started like any other Saturday but we had so much more in store for us.  By 1:30pm we were in full celebration mode.  A dear friend came over to take our annual family pictures.  This year we had an addition.  We were given a beautiful memorial stone to place in our new backyard.  The inscription reads “Those we have held in our arms for a little while, we hold in our hearts forever”.  We have saved that for this day so Ashley could capture pictures of our family placing the stone in its forever home.  We were also given some daffodils to plant so we decided to plant those next to the memorial stone.  We will add a flower each year on their due date.  Trey LOVED planting the flower. 

I love taking family pictures.  I love choosing the outfits- making sure we coordinate and but not too matchy-matchy.  I like capturing our family just the way it is.  I don’t like things too posed because truth be told Trey doesn’t sit still for a second so posing isn’t an accurate picture of our life.  I even put Trey in his Batman shirt with a cape because he loves superheroes.  And he fell in the mud before we even officially started the photo session so his knees were covered in mud for all the pictures.  Oh well.  It’s a true representation of our life. 

One thing that really bugged me though was the shovels we used to plant the flower.  Our outfits were shades of blues, teals, grey, and yellow.  Trey’s yellow cape matched perfectly with the yellow daffodils.  The shovels we used to plant the flowers: red.  Red doesn’t belong.  Red doesn’t match.  I regretted not getting a new shovel that matched our color scheme.  It wasn’t until I saw one of the pictures Ashley took that I accepted the red.  The picture she took was a simple one.  It was just Trey’s legs and feet.  His jeans are covered in dirt and his adorable little construction boots are scuffed.  But lying right next to his feet: the red shovel.  That’s when the red struck a chord.

Months ago I attended a meeting at our local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers).  The speaker that day was a wonderful lady named Sybil.  She is one of our mentors.  Her kids are grown with kids of their own so she is there to tell all of us young moms that we will survive.  She has wisdom to share and the sweetest personality that just draws you in.  She told us about how she met her husband at a conference.  They had been told an analogy about how red leaves represent love.  Now this is oversimplifying the story and to truly appreciate it you have to hear it from her.  But the idea was profound to me.  She talked about how this gentleman (her now husband) would leave red leaves on her car windshield.  It continued on while they were dating and through their marriage- even to this day.  He’ll leave red leaves on her nightstand or her pillow or other random places for her to find.  He doesn’t even have to leave a note.  They are simple symbols of his love for her.  Even when she had their children.  He didn’t bring her flowers- he brought her branches of red leaves.  She extended this analogy to how God loves us.  When she sees red leaves in her yard or while she’s driving, it is a reminder of how great God’s love is for her. 

Our life is about relationships- both earthly and with our Heavenly Father.  My best friend attends MOPS too and since we both heard Sybil’s story, we have given each other red leaves to show our love for eachother- mine for her was literally a leaf I picked up while walking into a store with her.  She went above and beyond and crocheted a red leaf for me.  It was fall when we moved into our house soon after losing the twins.  Our new yard has tons of red leaves.  Every morning I would walk our dog outside and admire the beauty of the red leaves.  Then I would come inside and find that I had tracked some in.  I even took a picture of a couple red leaves against our stark white tile floor.  I couldn’t bear to pick them up because each one was a reminder of God’s love for me in a time that I needed so desperately to feel loved.

So back to the red shovel. Its not a leaf but it is still a representation of love.  Love that requires digging deep and piling it on top of something newly planted so it can grow.  Saturday we saw a lot of love piled on top of us- and our families.  We decided to honor the twins with the two strongest cravings I had during my pregnancy- Roast beef and mint chocolate chip ice cream.  When I came up with the idea I quickly let my parents and in laws in on the idea.  Then I told my friends.  I thought it would be an amazing experience if we could all sit down together to have this meal across the miles to honor the twins. 

We had a few friends over to eat with us- my best friend and her family and our worship pastor and his wife.  I gave out table favors of tooth paste and a toothbrush for everyone.  This was also an homage to the twins.  The only thing that kept me from being sick was brushing my teeth.  I have to say I had the best dental check up I’ve ever had because of my beautiful babies.  Trey and his little buddies were so excited about their toothbrushes they couldn’t even eat dinner- until they heard that there was ice cream if they ate their dinner.  I’ve never seen Trey run to his plate faster.  But to hear those three little ones laughing hysterically while playing with their toothbrushes was so much fun.  It was loud.  Boy, was it loud.  But it was fun- fill up your soul kind of fun.

My parents had a few of my friends from high school over to enjoy the meal together.  My in laws had some extended family over for the meal as well.  I even sent them a table cloth, napkins and table favors so that their tables could match ours.  But what I didn’t expect was the outpouring of texts and facebook messages of pictures of friends enjoying their roast beef and mint chocolate chip ice cream.  There were friends all over Georgia, Michigan, Ohio, and Colorado joining us.  One friend’s son, Brodie, requested that they eat the same meal every March 5^th to remember the babies.  Such a sweet boy and an excellent idea.        

At the end of the day I looked back on a beautiful memory that was created.  Yes, it was centered around grief but that is not what will be the focus for years to come.  March 5^th is a day to celebrate.  We celebrate two lives and the people that love them dearly.  We celebrate connection.  We celebrate the people who are brave enough to step into the ugly of grief in order to walk this journey with us- to cry with us, to laugh with us, and sometimes just to sit in comforting silence with us.  We celebrate a loving God who has guided us gently down this path of pain, leading us step by step to healing.