The who's who of my survival story

I have been blessed with amazing friends.  Blessed is a powerful word but I feel like even that is an understatement.  God has gone above and beyond with these friends of mine.  When I had Trey I felt so incredibly alone.  I didn’t have any friends who had kids.  I had no idea what I was doing and daily, sometimes minute by minute, felt way over my head.  When Trey was about 7 months I decided to start a small group at church for young moms.  This is where God answered a desperate plea for connection and worth. 

I met a lot of amazing women when I led small groups at church.  I learned so much from each and every one of them.  I appreciate every woman that God placed in those groups.  But there are a select few that stand out to me.  They are my prayer warriors.  They are my tribe.  They are the ones that I can go to with the silly things and the intimate details of life.  They are the ones that have lifted me out of despair more times than I can count.  I want to introduce you to these sweet friends of mine.  I want to tell you a bit about them and their place of significance in my life. 

Amanda-  She is the researcher.  You give her a problem and she will find the answer.  This lady listens to podcasts while she cleans.  She has a constant thirst for knowledge.  Last year she felt led to lead her own small group.  She chose a tough book- one that I would shy away from because of the deep theological questions that were involved.  However, if anyone could handle it, it would be Amanda.  I told her I had full confidence in her because if someone asked her a question, she would research it to death.  I have always believed that there is nothing wrong with saying “I don’t know, but I’ll find out for you”.  She led that by example.

Amber-  This may sound silly but I love Amber because she had Blake.  You have to understand that being around babies is tough right now.  After losing the twins, I had no desire to be around babies- until Blake.  Blake has a smile that takes up his whole face.  He lights up when he sees you.  And- he has dimples- a true heartbreaker.  I remember the day I held him for the first time after losing the twins.  I was at MOPS and Amber was sitting across the room with Blake.  I couldn’t take my eyes off that kid.  At the end of group, I went over and asked to hold him.  This was a personal victory for me.  Blake gives me hope that I could open my heart to a baby again. 

Brittany-  In our group, we have a thing called “serve a sister”.  When one of us is struggling, the rest will do what they can to help.  Brittany gracefully accepts help.  I have gone to her house to help with laundry and babysit so she can get things done.  I love being able to do this because you can see the physical relief on her face when you are done.  Serving others brings me joy.  There have been times that I have barged in to her house to help.  It takes a strong woman to accept that.  Brittany taught me to accept help.  When we lost the twins we were in the middle of moving.  I had to accept help from a lot of people because I was on medical restrictions that included not lifting.  That was hard.  But Brittany taught me that accepting help isn’t about weakness.  People want to help out of love for you not out of expectation of what you’re going to do for them to pay them back.  Not accepting help is not accepting love. 

Carrie- She has a knack for reaching out at just the right time.  I kid you not- every time I have a rough day I get a text from Carrie “How’re you doing today friend?”.  Every time.  I have no idea how she does it.  The last time I had a grief day I was crying while folding laundry in my dining room.  I thought “I wonder if I’ll hear from Carrie today”.  She texted within the hour.  She not only reaches out when I need her, she has a fantastically quick wit.  This chick makes me laugh.  She can take me from grief to laughing within minutes. 

Corrie-  What can I possibly say about Corrie?  I could go on and on.  She is the one that drops everything for me.  She rushed over to take care of Trey when I had the first scare with the twins.  She rushed over in the middle of the night when I had to go to the hospital to deliver them.  Just last week she drove 40 minutes to my house just to drop off pedialyte, white fudge pretzels and a new journal to brighten my day as I struggled with a sick toddler.  She has become my closest friend.  Trey has adopted her as “Aunt Corrie”.  Corrie and I text throughout the day: funny things the kids do, frustrations, fears, and celebrations.  She gets me.    

 

Jen-  Jen is just peaceful.  She has a quiet strength.  She’s one of those people that are quiet but when she opens her mouth you’ll be blown away by a profound thought.  Jen also demonstrates the lost art of written notes.  I still have a note of encouragement she wrote to me years ago.  There’s just something about written notes.  They’re something to cherish.

Krischa-  Krischa is the encourager.  If ever we struggle about our identity or self worth, Krischa is there to tell us the truth.  Just last week she sent us all messages on facebook saying the “things I love and adore about you”.  She listed five things for each of us.  She’s also inspirational.  She is CONSTANTLY reading to better herself, her faith, her marriage and her parenting.  She inspires me to do my homework. 

Mckeva-  This. Woman. Can. Pray.  I can listen to her talk to God for hours.  She has a way with words and she prays with intensity.  It isn’t your run-of-the-mill prayer.  It is specific, passionate and driven.  She is teaching a small group for the first time this semester.  She is doing an excellent job and I cannot wait to see how God uses her.

Teaira-  I love Teaira for her innocence and sincerity.  Teaira called me a few days after we lost the twins.  She said that she was planning to get us something with the twin’s names on it but everyone she talked to said that was insensitive.  She knew that she could ask me and I wouldn’t be offended.  I love that she knows that she can come to me with anything.  I told her anything with their names on it would be wonderful because one of the hardest parts of losing a baby (or two) is that you don’t have anything to hold onto.   

I would be remiss if I didn’t include two other friends from high school that have come back into my life because of this experience.  They are going through their own issues so we have banded together.  There are times when I feel angry and there’s nothing wrong with that.  These are the two that I share that with because their life situations make them angry too.  We’re not all angry all the time but they play a wonderful role in my life.  Sometimes you need a safe place to get all that out.  They are my safe place. 

These are the friends that I do life with.  These are the friends that have rescued me countless times.  Each of my friends play a different role.  God is so good to give me a different friend that I can reach out to depending on the need.  Or I’m blessed to be able to reach out to all of them if the situation requires it.  I can’t imagine how I would’ve gotten through the last few months without each of these ladies.

Shortly after losing the twins I was told that if I kept receiving help from these wonderful ladies they are going to get burned out and I would be isolated. I told that person with absolute confidence that they don’t know my friends.  God put these friends in my life for this exact reason.  I have spent years investing in their lives, serving them, sharing with them.  This is my time to receive, knowing full well that I will get back to serving them again.  True friendship is reciprocal.  There are times you give and times you receive- times to serve and times to be served. 

It makes me so sad to think that not all people have relationships like this.  It breaks my heart to know that people go through trauma without friends who care enough to step into the messiness of grief and pain.  The truth of the matter is that friendship takes work.  It takes time.  It takes effort.  But what greater way to invest your time and effort?  There is great joy in serving your friends and there is joy when your friends surprise you by meeting needs. 

I’m proud to say that I have gotten back into my serving role.  I’ve been able to reciprocate a few times in the past month or so.  This is a big deal.  God has allowed me to grieve but he has also allowed me to see passed myself and see the needs of others.  I’ve learned so much the past few months.  One huge lesson is how to be a friend and how to appreciate the friends you have.