Response to School Shootings

Last night Hubs and I were reflecting on the school shootings that continue to happen.  We both remember being in high school when Columbine occurred.  We remember the shock the nation felt as a whole.  I remember the drills my school started doing- when the principal would get on the PA and say a completely random phrase and then the teachers would calmly walk to the doors and lock them.  I remember the yellow security tags we had to put on our bags so everyone knew that our bags belonged at the school.  I remember the new policy of having to carry around school assignment books to have the teachers sign if you were excused early or just needed to use the restroom.  I’m sure these things are minor compared to what kids are going through right now.  I can only imagine the security measures they have to go to just to enter the building.  I can only imagine the fear that they have as they enter a warzone.  I can’t imagine having to do the expected “high school” things: tests, quizzes, worrying about who you’re going to prom with, etc under these extreme security threats.  Life is just different.

How did we get here?  How do our teenagers think the only option to their hurts and pain is to open fire?  As a parent, my first thought is “my kids would never do that”.  Then fear shoots to my heart and I think “what if they do”?   Dear God, how do I make sure that this doesn’t happen?

As I’m on my phone, reading articles about the recent shooting in Florida, my kids are peacefully playing in front of me.  Occasionally, Trey looks up and says “So so so mom” and waits for me to respond.  When this happens over and over and over, I admit its frustrating.  I respond with “Ugh!  What, Trey!”, more often than I would like to admit.  That’s when the thought struck me.  What he has to say is important.  It may not be important to me.  But its important to him.  And what’s important to him is that I think he matters.   He needs to feel valued, like he has a place in this world.  A big way to communicate worth and value to him is to listen to his stories. 

With a background in counseling, I’ve worked with a lot of hurting kids.  I’ve heard a lot of stories that would break  your heart into a million pieces.  One thing that was always important to me as I worked with these kids was opening up the lines of communication between them and their parents.  Let me tell you, watching some of those conversations happen was PAINFUL.  But it was so necessary.  Parents need to listen to their kids.  Its not about the words.  Its about showing these kids that what they say is important.  Its about showing them that we can put everything else aside and focus on them when they need it most. 

As a parent, its so easy to get distracted.  Its easy to fill our days with all the things we “need” to do.  Yes, these things are important.  Providing for our kids financially is important.  Providing a clean environment for them to live- very important.  And sometimes we just need to tune out the world, take a break and zone out on our phones.  But what about emotionally taking care of our kids?  Teaching them how to deal with their emotions properly?  Teaching them its ok to feel what they feel but instilling the importance of how you deal with these feelings.  All of this requires focus and attention. 

My kids are 5 and 1.  What they have to tell me is not earth shattering.  We’re not dealing with hard-core hurts right now, praise God.  But we are dealing with emotions on a basic level.  We are dealing with “its ok to be mad but you can’t hit your sister when you’re mad”.  Most importantly, we are dealing with “so so so mom…”.  My kid is talking… all. The. Time.  My kid never stops talking.  But right now I am trying to listen to the small things.  Because one day, they will be teenagers.  One day they will have big things to say- earth shattering things.  How do I get them to tell me the big things?  By earning their stories when they are small. 

Today I’ll make a choice to stay off my phone. My kids need my attention more than facebook.  But that choice isn’t just for my kids.  Its for the good of society.  The future needs me to focus on my kids.  The future needs to be filled with kids that know they are valued.  The future needs to be filled with kids that know how to deal with their emotions.  The future needs to be filled with kids that don’t take their emotions out on others.  That’s the future I want my kids to belong to.  But as a parent, I have to do my part.  I have to put my phone down.