Tinman

We’ve had Addie Grace’s Wizard of Oz nursery theme picked out for months now.  I have been working on curtains for about that long.  I have a plethora of pinterest ideas floating around in my head to add to the décor.  I also have a friend coming to paint a mural on the wall.  Plans and ideas.  In reality- her room will probably never get finished, much like her brother’s!  But for now, we have ideas.  We picked Wizard of Oz because of the subtle rainbow that’s involved.  The rainbow isn’t the main element of the story but it is still significant.  “Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue…”  Addie Grace is our rainbow- our baby after loss.  We’ve been through the storm and our skies are blue. 

I like to spend Monday mornings reviewing the message at church on Sunday.  I re-write the notes into Addie’s bible.  I started that tradition with Trey.  Each of my kids have a bible that I write in during their pregnancy.  I take sermon notes in them.  I make notes from bible studies.  I write them little life lesson notes- things I want them to remember long after I’m gone.  I cherish those Bibles and honestly, Its going to be hard to give them up!  I still haven’t decided when they will get their bibles.  I want it to be something that’s as special to them as it is to me. 

One of the things that I love about this tradition is the themes that come out in my notes.  God truly gives me a glimpse of their personalities through the messages he gives in sermons and bible studies during their pregnancy.  I’ll never forget listening to the middle school pastor four years ago, making notes in Trey’s bible when it dawned on me that I had written a similar message in his bible elsewhere.  I looked through and sure enough- I found multiple entries on that same topic. 

What topic came up in Trey’s bible?  Discipline.  Trey was never a kicker in the womb.  He was a pusher.  He pushed in one particular spot all the time.  I would literally walk around with my hand on that spot, pushing him back.  I joke that I was teaching him boundaries from the womb.  I laughed so hard when I made the discovery about his theme being discipline.  And I knew how to start praying for Trey.  Now at almost 4, I can tell you that discipline is our CONSTANT companion.  Time outs, privelages taken away and talks about “choosing a better attitude” happen more often than not.  I’m thankful for that tiny glimpse of character and future parenting that God gave me in those early days with Trey.

Now my attention turns to Addie Grace.  I’ve been writing in her bible for 6 months now.  I was hoping that a theme would present itself, patiently waiting for the puzzle pieces to come together.  This morning it hit me.  Yesterday’s sermon was on Ephesians 6 but we specifically heard about the breastplate of righteousness which guards your heart (or your emotions).  Addie’s theme is emotions.  Pretty good one for girls, right?  I know as a kid that was one area of struggle my parent’s had with me. If I’m honest, that might be something my husband struggles with too!  I know I can be overly emotional and dramatic.  Clearly, God is telling me I’m going to have a mini me that’s just as emotional. 

But I love the verse that our pastor pointed out yesterday.  Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”  I think that will be my prayer for my sweet Addie Grace.  I pray that she will guard her heart.  If we’re not careful we can allow our emotions to lead us.  But our emotions cannot be trusted, they must be trained.  I pray also that Denny and I will have the wisdom to teach her how to guard her heart.  I’ve already admitted that I struggle with that.  Clearly, God needs to do more work in me to gear up for this little one. 

As I was reflecting on this, I thought about Addie Grace’s nursery.  I thought about the story of Wizard of Oz and the characters.  One character stood out to me: the tinman.   He is a walking suit of armor- a picture of strength.  He is nothing but a hard, outer shell.    His dream in life is to have a heart.  When he approaches the wizard with his request the wizard says, “hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable”.  What we have found this past year is that there is beauty in all emotions.  There is beauty in joy and celebration and beauty in grief and mourning.  What the tinman is missing is the ability to feel, even at the risk of a broken heart.  We’ve been through that broken heart season.  But we have also felt the peace that comes from guarding our hearts.  We kept our eyes on Jesus, the Author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).  We felt the pain of a broken heart but we also felt the joy of God’s presence.  That is what the tinman desires. 

My prayer for Addie Grace- that she will not be led by her emotions.  That she will train her heart to follow the Lord in all things- the big and the small, the joys and the sorrows.  That she will face the storms of life but still have a song in her heart, “Someday I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.  Where trouble melts like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops that’s where you’ll find me…”  That lyric speaks of the hope we have in God.  We may face storms but if we guard our hearts, we can have hope that God will get us through and we can have joy and sing in the midst of it.